Week 5: Foundation: Partnership or Soulmate

Hi Everyone,

Welcome to my 5th weekly article on building a strong foundation with commitment & support.

Having a strong support system from family & your spouse will enable you to go after your wildest dreams with the upmost confidence.

Also be sure to check out my Youtube channel for this week’s vlog.

Feel free share with friends/family that would get value out of this type of content.

My goal is to be able empower folks to go after their goals and reach their full potential!

​​​​மழைதிளைக்கு மாடமாய் மாண்பமைந்த காப்பாய்

இழைவிளக்கு நின்றமைப்பின் என்னாம் — விழைதக்க

மாண்ட மனையாளை யில்லாதான் இல்லகம்

காண்டற் கரியதோர் காடு. (நாலடி — 361)

Though it is a building on which the clouds creep,

a fort exceeding strong, shining: resplendent with

the gems stored up in it, of what benefit?

The house of him who has no beloved wife is to the

view a dreadful forest. (Naaladi — 361)

As I wrote in my last two articles about my community’s contributions to my success and how education set the foundation for my current life, there was a quiet and forceful revolution taking place in our homes. Men used to be the sole breadwinners of the family while the women stayed home and took care of the family, but slowly, women began to participate in higher education and rise in the workplaces.

Change of Mindset: Sri Lanka had one of the highest literacy rates in the world. Even the students who dropped out of school early, studied enough to read books and learned to do basic Math. Another significant milestone was that Sri Lanka elected the world’s first head of state in the 1960s. As I mentioned in my previous article, our parents and grandparents understood the importance of education in our society. That led to sending our sisters and aunts to schools which focused on educating girls. That process started creating doctors, teachers and other women professionals. Below is an example of the transformation of women into progressive and equal contributors to families and societies.

Meeting: By the time I started my elementary studies in the late 1970s, all of our classrooms were nearly 50–50 girls and boys. While my future wife Ahila and I studied in the same grade, we were in different sections. I knew her as a beautiful and smart girl during that time. Her mother used to dress her up in very modern and well sewn dresses. She tells me that she noticed me because I was the class monitor and did well in studies as well as other activities.

There is a backstory where we really met. Ahila and I were born 15 days apart. As part of our religious custom, we bring the babies to a temple after being 41 days old. According to her mother, when she brought Ahila to the (Puttalai) temple, my parents brought me to the same temple on the same day (Joke in the family is that I was the seventh child and my parents brought me to temple not on 41st day, rather around two months). Someone told me that there was a movie with a similar starting story. We still joke that we’ve known each other our entire lives.

After elementary school, we both went to our separate boys only and girls only schools. We also went to different tuition centers and knew about one another’s existence, but we didn’t interact much.

Connecting: As we entered 11th grade, we started attending the same tuition centers. There were very few centers which taught advanced subjects, so all the advanced students were together. Ahila always sat in the front row while my friends and I sat on the last bench. After 5 years of hiatus (Grade 6 through 10), I noticed her. She had grown into a beautiful young lady and was very studious. She would always beat me in class quizzes and exams. One thing she did after classes annoyed my friends and I. Normally, the girls would wait for the boys to leave the tuition center before they would leave. However, Ahila always left before the boys and rode her bike fast to get home. As a fun challenge, we would ride fast and try to cut her off. One such day, she nearly fell, and we stopped doing that after hearing from her grand uncle.

During the latter part of that year, a few of us decided that we needed additional help in Physics and found a teacher to teach us at our local tuition center PEC. We invited some local girls to the classes too and to my surprise, Ahila also showed up to the classes also which was unexpected. Until then I didn’t realize she noticed my existence. From my mind, I was a very slim, rugged guy with nothing special for a girl to like. Seeing her on that day and her smile made me think otherwise. In addition, we found out from one of her friends that she liked me. My best friend Mathi, who was related to her, encouraged me to follow through and ask her. There were many side stories and movies like heroism, some of them very true and others are a bit exaggerated, around our relationship.

Decision: I remember the day I asked for her approval as it was my oldest niece’s birthday in March. Mathi and I rode the bike next to her while we were going to tuition early in the morning with very few people on the road as I talked to her. She was a bit stubborn and kept me waiting for a few days. Finally, she said yes and rode away on her red lady’s bike. That blossomed into exchanging letters and smiles. We couldn’t talk much since we were too young, and our families will find out and forbid it.

Commitment: As the Sri Lankan civil war was getting worse, my family decided that it is better for me to get out of Sri Lanka and follow my brother’s footstep to go to the USA or UK for higher studies (in a few weeks, I will write about my journey to the USA through Africa). I didn’t know what to do or what to tell Ahila. Ahila bravely told her parents and I promised them that I would complete higher studies first then come back for her. I still can’t believe that I made that promise at 18 years old and her parents, mainly her father, trusted my words while supporting me through a long 7–8 years of long-distance relationship. While I was preparing for our future in the US, Ahila went to medical school and became a doctor during the height of the Sri Lanka civil war. This was also at the center of the conflict area (Next week’s article will cover our perspective on the Sri Lankan civil war).

When I think about it, I was brave to make commitments and follow through during my teenage years. Then, with help from my family, I completed my university studies in four years, both Bachelors and Masters degrees. On the other hand, I still can’t believe that Ahila and her family trusted me at that young age with continued support. Her commitment and support throughout both of my startups’ lives has been amazing. When you have that kind of support, you have nothing in the universe to worry about or can stop you.

Morale of the story for entrepreneurship: Just like I took a risk and asked her for her hand while she was smarter in studies and very imaginative, I always hired people at my companies who challenged me with passion and had better ideas than me. Surround yourself with people of high caliber and then manage them to execute to their highest potential and you can overcome any challenges that come your way.